Hard Truth

I am a hater.

I am a hater because I feel like I got the shit end of life. I know it’s my own fault.

One thing I have really come to hate is handsome, hot, physically fit, men; gays in particular. My reasoning is unsound and childish: I hate them because they do not accept me based on my own physicality: morbidly obese, according to my primary care physician and because of that, no penis, which doesn’t even get hard anymore due to my diabetes.

Anyway, I happened across this video Which Spanish Accent Is Sexiest? The competition is between Puerto Rican, Spanish, Venezuelan and Honduran. I watched it and laughed at the Negro girl’s reactions. At 6:40, she says:

“All these hot mens around me; I’m so blessed.”

I feel that is the perspective I should be walking around with. With that perspective I might “attract” more men. I know this to be inherently true. My problem is how to achieve that perspective. I know that I have tried numerous times and each time, I have wandered from the path due to lack of patience waiting for the gifts, the wildest dream. Maybe if I stopped focusing on my lack of having a man, I might find happiness in the blessing.

OMG! I just remembered…my cousin and a television reference have labeled me as a blessing block due to my high self-sufficiency insistence. Unfortunately, neiither God nor I have been unable to change my outlook permanently. Gosh! The more I write about this, the more I realize I am creating a crisis-of-faith drama. 😀

Postscript

I agree with the Negroid girl: Puerto Rican men have the sexiest accent and in my experience, they have ALWAYS been the bestest, nasties, most satisfying sex I have ever had.

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