How To Waste Money

This rant originates out of my inability to navigate my body to any a store where I could actually see/try items like in the old days. Though, I hated clothes shopping because while trying on the clothes in the obviously-too-small dressing room, I would commence to pandiculate prespire profusely due to my obesity.

Anyway, I recently received my second SSI disbursement. I was hoping to get a car, but after weighing the costs, finally gave up.

Item One: Brand new Samsung 8 when they came out. Since I had $2500, I bought a $600 phone, thinking I would never lose something so expensive. I didn’t lose it as much as I left it on the bus bench trying to get all my groceries together to board. No problems with order, though $600 down the drain. At least, it lasted, what, two years?

Item Two: a hired an online hooker for $500/2 hours because after six moths of searching Santa Monica Boulevard in the early ante meridien for male prostitutes, I only had one encounter, and that was a crossdress/trans…EW! I used to be able to get prostitutes off the street for $20 and up, when I was smoking crack! This one didn’t even satisfy my gluttonous sexual appetite. Waste of money!

Item Three: a phone case that I saw in my Facebook newsfeed: $25. It took forever to arrive and we were separated when I left my phone behind.

Item Four: a recliner, as I have no appropriate seating in my residence. My little couch so low, I have dislocated my knee twice. Okay, confirming no car purchase, I began my search. As an aside, how fucking frustrating is it to search “adult recliner” and get kids recliners? Anyway, my parents paid $1000 a piece for theirs, and they are comfortable and wide enough for Mojo and I to sit side-by-side. I find one for $599 at Costco and proceed to purchase it.

It finally arrives, it is assembled and I begin to try it out…

  1. Mojo and I cannot fit side-by-side
  2. After about four hours of sitting, crocheting/knitting for charity, the seat begins to feel hard on my elephant ass
  3. No little tables on the arms, like parents. oversight on my part
  4. Began to see commercials on tv for recliners STARTING at $199 at Mathis Brothers.

$500 Down the drain.

So, $1625.00 dollars gone! With $800 left, I almost blew another $500 on a prostitute and even more dangerous drug entertainment. I started praying yesterday and the deal fell through last night…go figure. Gotta say, my situation contributes to my depression, being isolated due to disability, restricting my choices, and subject to shitty search results from Google. Yup! The bigger companies get the shitter their products, customer service and technical support become.

Who’s really in charge?

Down to my last $800, I don’t know what to do? I know what I’d like to do:

  • Go on a crochet/knitting cruise/trip
  • Buy a man to serve me
  • Save for a car so I can have transportation, providing more freedom
  • Put back under my mattress
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