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Nothing Is Ever Simple

Nothing Is Ever Simple…

…in my family.

Mom just asked me to move a couch into the rental property, in the car, on the way home from the nursing appointment.

My immediate reply is “no” because I am sore all over my shoulders and back.

Then I start building up my arsenal of additional excuses not to help: poor old dad, parents are comfortable enough to hire people to do physical labor; I am not moving in; I am not making anything from this venture.

I am not making up excuses, I am being honest. Seems harsh, but I believe direct honesty is much more efficient.

So far there have been no repercussions, but I know better. One day it will come back to bite me. I can hear it now…”I don’t know why he is the way he is, we give him rides to all his doctor’s appointments and he can’t help us move a couch!” Actually, this serves as an excellent reminder to find out about patient transportation from my healthcare network.

Check
Bad Sex

My Unattractiveness Reaches Psychic Proportions

I had begrudgingly set up a date with Pierre the Prostitute – begrudgingly because I believe paying to be the one to do all the work (a blowjob). Especially, in this humidity with no air conditioning!? Got a bad vibe due to non-communication, his price was higher than normal, and we were going to blow clouds so I started looking for someone else.

Next was Darrius, who only liked pot. So being the people pleaser I am, I was off to the dispensary. It’s as if he was psychic – in my mind, at least – when I got the call from him – on the way to the dispensary, after worrying about time because my cousin that was going to ride me made me wait – that he was cancelling on me! WTF!?

I was dejected; my cousin noticed my change in mood and inquired. I had not been truthful to her about paying for sex so I remained silent.

So with a bag of weed, I went home and started looking again when I felt the green fuzzies. I could not find anyone that sounded like someone I might enjoy for the $120 in my pocket. Frustrated, I used the ads as porn, I actually watched 1.5 porn movie. I got very high and very sexually enticed and then went to bed and fantasized in my head of two daddies. How might they react to each other? With my luck, they’d be so turned of by each other, I would be Charlie Brown once again.

WHY AM I EVEN SO HELL BENT ON GETTING SEXED?

I am sex addict and the pot is not working as much anymore so now I seek out sex as a means to act out. I have ALWAYS associated drugs with sex; they enabled my male persona to condone the raping of my female persona. There are other factors: HIV+; Herpes; Cancer; my diabetes medication gives me cotton mouth 24/7; impotence; and my apparently morbid obesity.

On my side of the board I believe in paying for love is acceptable and should be an option for all of society. My biggest obstacle in attracting men is the men that I am attracted to: skinny to muscly men with big daddy dick! Sorry, getting excited, but no worry, the little guy asleep, motionless. Ha! So far, of the four men I have encountered, the first was the best; my success rate: 25%. Not too good. Further discouragement: I removed my anti-depressant from my medication regime, discovering that it was a cock-blocker – still nothing.

Oh, and then there a jealous child, Mojo.

 

Crying My Eyes Out

Feeling!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG! I was just thinking that I had better start planning…

I ran over to my computer and then started calculating and all of a sudden it came like a swell in the ocean from a tropical storm off shore…

I realized I am beginning to feel again. Anger at my state and federal governments; anticipation of a future event; realization that for the second time in my life that I can just live; that I have more energy, less pain; my spirit is reawakening.

And as I say that, I am feeling imaginary? miniscule gurgles under my right moob. To be fair, I think my venis (new word coined by me on this day in Los Angeles, California, United States of America this twenty-seventh day of July in the year two thousand seventeen) moved!

Supplemental Security Income-SSI

USA Kill Citizens Like Syria, Only Slower

Letter penned to Mayor Eric Garcetti, Governor Edmund Brown, Senator Dianne Feinstein, Senator Kamala Harris, ABC News Desk, and CBS News Desk:

QuoteI have worked my whole life until I became medically disabled.

Because my last job was as an independent contractor, I did not qualify for disability and now exist on supplemental security income of $895.00/month.

First of all, I applied in November 2016. I was denied SDI about January 2017 and they began to check my qualifications for SSI in February 2017. As of July 2017, I have been approved, but I have only received half of my pay since my application date.

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME, BUT ISN’T THIS MY MONEY?

You have one hell of a nerve to keep my own money from me, having only disbursed half so far. To add insult to injury, my CalFresh benefits have been cut off and I am now responsible for paying for my own food! What food? I don’t even have enough for rent in Los Angeles, where the average cost of a one-bedroom apartment is $2060.00/mo, much less food.

NO WONDER HOMELESSNESS IS SUCH A PROBLEM IN LOS ANGELES.

Thankfully, I earn unreported cash. And you wonder why people are so deceitful towards their government and their authorities; you are nurturing it!

I EXPECT A PERSONAL REPLY TO THIS CORRESPONDENCE.

Google Search: “shut in dating”

I love my wit, yet I despair it is dying with my wildest dream of finding someone to love me – or of ever finding myself worthy of love from someone else.

Having had yet another spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, I have a new perspective: I should be looking for the type of guy that likes me the way I am rather than me looking for someone I like to like me as much as I like them: a chubby chaser.

I post a very direct Craig’s list ad for sex, due to “The Green-Horny Parallax Syndrome.” As the syndrome subsides, in the background, Tired by Adele playing…

QuoteI’m tired of trying; Your teasing ain’t enough
Fed up of biding your time when I don’t get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what when I don’t get nothing back
Oy, I’m tired…”

I return to the computer to delete my ad out of despair and the realization: my room is unkempt – to be kind; the floor covered with dog hair; and at the suggestion of my psychologist, start typing my drama out. All of a sudden there a tug on the line. This fish is instant lusting that chocolate worm. I remember my new perspective and IT’S ON!

What the fuck am I thinking? I am thinking since my parents are gone, I can use my nephew’s old room. I am taking such a big risk, having been caught in my parent’s bed once before with my second boyfriend. They have only once before made this trip round in one day, so what are my odds?

As a safety measure I call my cousin and we agree she is going to call in half an hour as a safety check. Then she asks “What’s his name?” I don’t know. I am way too excited. He calls: “Did I get his text?” I HATE TEXTING! He asks for face pic. LIGHTBULB! I ask for one in return.

He gets here; I go out to greet him. He is a muscular jock type! WTF! I am so fuckin’ attracted, I can barely contain myself. Of course, cotton-mouth is my enemy. But I finally get him in the room, ask him how he wants to do this, and then immediately take over. Mistake 2: Better customer service would’ve been to let him take over the situation, but again due to the extra self-imposed pressure, I was rushed. If you are paying attention, you might think I forgot something, but I didn’t: Mistake 1: I should have not caused myself undue pressure by using my parent’s house for a hook up.

I was able to do the deed, but not to my own satisfaction. Let me tell you this, though, that boy had me in heaven! He had been asking what else I might be in to? Would I answer the door naked? I did inform him of my safety measure to be up front. If I had been honest and brought him to my room, this post might not have been edited so soon.

I finally call my cousin and I am still giddy. We come to the realization that she has seen my “addictive” personality, which leads me to believe I might be addicted to sex also. It certainly has always played a role in my drug use. Despite old behavior, which we both laugh at, I am being 100% honest. Perhaps that makes me believe that good can win without being evil.

I am still going to research shut-in dating; who knows, I could find a shut-in chub chasers group! 😀 😀 😀